One Week...

It seems like this past week has been more like a month. I had friends visiting last weekend and staying at my place, something that always seems to drain a host, no matter how much they enjoyed their company. I have also been looking at several apartments for my rapidly approaching move, something that really takes away any free time that one might have. On Monday afternoon I flew down to Virginia Beach, VA to go to the funeral of my sadly departed cousin. I still don't think that it had seemed real until I got to my aunts house and saw the vast amount of pain that everyone was in. To see my aunt, a very strong and independent woman, on the verge of breaking because she was in so much pain was almost more than I could take. I loved my cousin and and deeply saddened by her death, but the thing that always gets me at funerals is having to see my friends and family and those that were close to the departed, so desperate. Death is a natural process, no matter how unnaturally it occurs, but the grieving of my family is was really shakes me up. To see my cousin, shaking so uncontrollably because a jealous and controlling boyfriend took her sisters life really hits me at the heart.

Events like this really make me realize how important my family is. I have been living on the East Coast for six months now, and I have yet to visit my family who lives in Boston and VA. I have always said that I will go and visit, but due to one thing or another I have always put it off. Now I realize that I must go and visit, because death can come at any time and I may never get to say what I want to say to my family because I have been 'too busy' to go and see them. I guess growing up I have always guarded my emotions, I don't know if it is because I am a male adhearing to society's rules of stoicism, or because I just don't know how to express them, but I think that the guardedness[word?] of my heart has caused me to close myself off to certain people in my life. Hopefully, this event can help me to break down these walls that I have built around myself and really grow in my relationships with others. I love my family and hate to see them go through so much pain and agony, and want to be there for them to help in their suffering.

Ok, enough depression. I basically have a two day work week, starting tomorrow. I fly back to JoCo in the KC MO on Thursday, and will be there until the Wednesday after Christmas. Wednesday afternoon we have our office holiday party, where we will be bowling and drinking beer and eating catered food. Strange combination. Wednesday morning I have my weekly site meeting, so I will really only be working in the office on Monday and Tuesday. Hooray for the holidays! A year-end bonus or a raise would be nice to ;) ;)

And now, I must schlep all of my clothes up to the corner and do laundry. :sigh:

Perspective

Late Friday night, as I was in a cab zooming down 3rd Ave on my way to a bar with some visiting friends, I was painfully told by my sister that my cousin had just been murdered by her ex-boyfriend, who then pointed the still smoking barrel towards his own head and ended yet another tragic life.

Upon hearing the news, I was in complete shock. No one can prepare themself for an event of this magnitude, for a story so unbelievable it feels like you are watching and episode of Law and Order. Friday night an atrocity against human kind was committed, one of thousands that happens each year. How could someone be so selfish and so full of hate that they could destroy something that is so beautiful? Life is so delicate and tender that it must be held with the softest of hands. Its grandeur and joy should be respected and admired, not brutally thrown on the floor to be shattered into a million pieces.

I only saw Claire once a year [on the most celebrated of Loring family holidays, Thanksgiving]. I still enjoyed my time with her, whether it was listening to her and my brother get into discussions about politics, or recalling the now infamous time in which her and my brother thought that they were cavemen and she decided to call him 'Bellyache,' a name that still sticks with him to this day, or listening to her updates on her most recent performance of jazz singing.

You never really know what you have until it's gone, something that particularly applies to your family. Family can so easily be taken for granted, and when something as unspeakable as this happens it can really bring you back down to earth and force you to realize how much they really mean to you. Even though I only see some of them once a year, I always look forward to Thanksgiving and being together with them. As our numbers now decrease by one, I know that from this point forward I will have a profoundly different outlook on this time of year and will attach a new significance to 'spending quality time with the fam'. While you may always be stuck with your family, you will also always be blessed with them, something that has now become so apparent to me.

[re]location?

Well, I just found out yesterday that I have until February 1 to find a new place to live. My landlord works long and odd hours and with a two hour commute to work, he said that he needed a place to crash during the week while he was in the city, so he's kicking me out. He will give me two months security deposit back as well as half of my brokers fee, and will help me find a place, which is nice but still, I'm upset that I have to relocate. I am not sure where I'm going to look, but I still have two months. Anyone know anyone who needs a roommate in NYC?