One Week...

It seems like this past week has been more like a month. I had friends visiting last weekend and staying at my place, something that always seems to drain a host, no matter how much they enjoyed their company. I have also been looking at several apartments for my rapidly approaching move, something that really takes away any free time that one might have. On Monday afternoon I flew down to Virginia Beach, VA to go to the funeral of my sadly departed cousin. I still don't think that it had seemed real until I got to my aunts house and saw the vast amount of pain that everyone was in. To see my aunt, a very strong and independent woman, on the verge of breaking because she was in so much pain was almost more than I could take. I loved my cousin and and deeply saddened by her death, but the thing that always gets me at funerals is having to see my friends and family and those that were close to the departed, so desperate. Death is a natural process, no matter how unnaturally it occurs, but the grieving of my family is was really shakes me up. To see my cousin, shaking so uncontrollably because a jealous and controlling boyfriend took her sisters life really hits me at the heart.

Events like this really make me realize how important my family is. I have been living on the East Coast for six months now, and I have yet to visit my family who lives in Boston and VA. I have always said that I will go and visit, but due to one thing or another I have always put it off. Now I realize that I must go and visit, because death can come at any time and I may never get to say what I want to say to my family because I have been 'too busy' to go and see them. I guess growing up I have always guarded my emotions, I don't know if it is because I am a male adhearing to society's rules of stoicism, or because I just don't know how to express them, but I think that the guardedness[word?] of my heart has caused me to close myself off to certain people in my life. Hopefully, this event can help me to break down these walls that I have built around myself and really grow in my relationships with others. I love my family and hate to see them go through so much pain and agony, and want to be there for them to help in their suffering.

Ok, enough depression. I basically have a two day work week, starting tomorrow. I fly back to JoCo in the KC MO on Thursday, and will be there until the Wednesday after Christmas. Wednesday afternoon we have our office holiday party, where we will be bowling and drinking beer and eating catered food. Strange combination. Wednesday morning I have my weekly site meeting, so I will really only be working in the office on Monday and Tuesday. Hooray for the holidays! A year-end bonus or a raise would be nice to ;) ;)

And now, I must schlep all of my clothes up to the corner and do laundry. :sigh: